Love Me For Me
by degrassigrl8706
Summary: Mandi, was a new girl. She went out with Craig one night. And guess what? yep, she's pregnant. R&R OOCish
1. Chapter 1: Autobiography

**Chapter 1**

**A/N: hey ya'll, my name is Vicki! This is my first Degrassi fan fiction…I am very excited! D This story…will most likely be the same as everyone else's…only difference is that mine will be written much more structured a.k.a. meaning that mine's better, yes I am arrogant, but when it comes to writing, I can be so Enjoy!**

She lit the cigarette as she looked around, hoping no one noticed. Everyone knew about her condition, but she didn't care. She knew he wanted the baby, but why would she want it?

_besides the fact I have to fucking carry it in my womb for nine months_

She looked up, and saw her love. At least, he claimed he loved her. Didn't he say that to Ashley? Didn't he also say that to Manny? Didn't Emma warn me about him………why didn't I think hard enough to NOT go into that stinky garage? To think, I lost my virginity to a garage band playing, stereotypical "I'll love you forever until I die" speech, the boy everyone falls for………WHY DID I?!

"Hey, how's my baby?" Craig asked politely

"Do you mean me? Or the fetus in my stomach?" She asked asking cautiously, as his rage would fly at any moment, without warning.

"Both, I guess, would you want it to be both?" he winked slyly.

She starred in discontent, in the frosty air. I Canada Sucks /I she thought to herself. She had recently moved to Canada months before from Texas. Yeah, so far away from what she knew. Her father got transferred up north………way north. He worked for some Construction company, best man in Texas………so this was the life of Amanda Rodriguez. A Hispanic girl of 15 her 16th birthday merely a month before she was due. God must have punished her for her wrong doings in Texas. Unfortunately, before moving to Canada, she had just gotten out of rehab, for being anorexic not to mention addicted to marijuana and cocaine. She was still having withdrawals, thank god her parents let her smoke cigarettes, it's what she thrived for each break.

"That's bad for our baby" Craig said to her.

"Yeah, you think I get cranky and crabby now………wait until I'm deprived of my cigs" She replied.

"I'm serious Mandy, stop smoking, you need to go cold turkey or go on the gum or patch. I don't want our family to get hurt because of your I disgusting /I habit." He replied with a disgusted look on his face.

"Is it that serious?" she said in discontent looking at the father of her child.

"Yeah…pretty serious." He replied slowly walked toward her.

She shuddered then realized again why she fell for him. Those curly locks, intense eyes, and pouty lips. She knew what he wanted…at least what he wanted to do anyhow. She stood still, with eyes closed, and lips awaiting. He went in for the kill, gently kissing her, wanting more with each peck. Like gentle rose petals, he engulfed her lips. This is why…this is why she loved him.

"Come on, want to come over? Joey's gone, and Angie's at ice skating practice." Craig said in that sultry sexy voice.

"I'd love to Mr. Manning." Amanda replied, she knew what he wanted, might as well give it to him.

They slowly walked toward Craig's car. The car his deceased father left for him in his will as a parting gift………maybe even as an apology gift? His father wasn't a great guy; his father was an abuser, who hurt Craig often. His wife, who then married Joey, had recently divorced him and she then later died a few years after the birth of their only child together. Mr. Manning was not so loveable toward Craig afterward. Craig had been taken out of the private school in British Columbia where he and his father had moved from, before moving to the area; with that school everyone loved Degrassi Community School (DCS for short). He had loved that school; he didn't really love coming home in the afternoon. He tried his best to escape the tyrant who was his father. The days he was late, his father beat him, the days he miss-behaved; his father beat him. Sooner than later, Craig finally told someone. Joey found out how horribly his father was treating him; he then offered to take Craig in, as his own; just under circumstances. Months later, Craig's father tried to get him back, after several dinners together, he attempted to getting Craig back. Craig argued with him, which enraged him, and he had hit Craig. He drove off in a rage, not caring where he was going, Mr. Manning passed away that evening, leaving Craig alone in the world, with a stepfather and a half-sister. This baby meant the world to Craig. It was all he had left…including Mandy. Not like it was included in the "package", but he hoped that she'd stay with him, not only for the baby, but also for the both of them.

"I love you Amanda Rodriguez." Craig gushed as they pulled into the driveway of Joey's cozy house.

"I love you too Craig Manning." Amanda smiled, knowing someone loved her, knowing someone cared.

Mandy as you already know, moved from Texas to Canada with her father. Like Craig, her mother had passed away long ago. Her father was never a nice, genuine person. He never beat her like Craig's dad did, but he was just as harsh. He soon met a woman in Texas who he fell madly in love with, eloped, then sprung the move and the marriage onto Mandy in one moment. She started to like this little town she lived in now. No more hustle and bustle of Dallas. No more druggies down the block. Just her and Craig…not to mention the bun in her oven. 6 more months…

_6 more months_ she thought to herself.

As her and Craig entered the house, slowly creeping upstairs, she realized something…should they be doing this? As Craig laid her on his bed and removed his shirt in the process, she stopped abruptly and was given an insane look from Craig.

"What's wrong?" Craig asked………obviously wanting some.

"What if this hurts the baby?" Mandy asked oh so innocently.

"If you don't want to, you don't have to." He said smiling as he held her closely.

"I want to, oh boy do I want to………I'm just not sure." She said dumbfounded.

Slowly, it all came together…as the sun slowly set, the couple slowly wound down. As the couple began what had gotten them into. They melted once more together, as they did before. In a loving embrace, only lonely loveless people would understand. Nothing was going to change this………

Or would it?

**(A/N: So…I hope you liked the first chapter! Review and I'll whip out some more beauties! I hope it was good! D enjoy!) **


	2. Chapter 2: Pieces of Me

**

* * *

A/N: I'd like to thank the following people for reviewing my story!**

**Shamrockandroll02-yeah! This is a very intense thing to write about. I've lived around people my age and younger who have gotten themselves in this mess, so I guess I can say I have 2nd hand experience with it. Thanks for reviewing you're awesome!**

**MannyRocks24- yeah, Craig is getting everyone pregnant! Lol I'm glad you're enjoying this because I think it's going to be fun writing this story. Ya'll encourage me to write more! Thanks for reviewing!**

_So yeah, I hope you enjoy the next chapter…in continuation with the scandalous lives of Craig and Mandy…_

**Chapter 2- Pieces of Me**

(Mandy's P.O.V)

The sun shone on our faces, as we lay astray and entangled in Craig's sheets. I Groggily rubbed my eyes, putting my hand over my eyes to try to shield the sun. Contemplating what went down the night before. Remembering all that went on, and all that went great that night. I turned over to see a shiny baldhead in my face…

"Hi Joey…" I said sheepishly as I held the sheets securely against my body. Turning slightly onto my back, as to not put pressure on the baby.

"Hey there Mandy…what are you doing here?" Joey asked rubbing his Buddha like head.

"Would you believe I fell asleep, and I like to sleep naked?" I asked with the most innocent look on my face.

"Well, that's just too much info, and I guess I'd have to, it's not like this is the first time I've caught you and Craig like this." Joey said serious yet jokingly.

At last, after hearing Joey's voice, Craig awoke in a panic.

"Joey—we—we—we weren't doing anything!" Craig said in a fearful tone.

"Get over it Craig, I already did, it's fine, just…don't do it when I'm here, and be careful…unless you want another baby." Joey said skeptically.

"Well…I'll probably love this one, why not a next one?" Craig asked innocently.

"Funny, making me a grandpa before I get gray hairs…twice" Joey said in a joking manner.

"Well…about the hair…" Craig trailed off.

"Don't go there." Joey said with his goofy Joey smile on his face, and walked out of the room.

Craig turned toward me with a sleepy look on his face, not to mention a smile.

"Good Morning beautiful…" Craig mumbled as his lips caressed mine, trailing down to my neck.

"Good morning to you too." I replied with a delighted look on my face.

"Mmm…" Craig muttered as he kissed me deeper.

"C-Craig, as much as I'm loving this, and I AM loving this, can we continue later, we need to get ready for school, let's just make this an "I owe you"…ok sweetie?" I said teasingly running my finger down his chest.

"If you say so…" Craig said disappointedly.

"No, I promise." I replied getting up from the bed.

Later at school, Craig and I had arrived. Late of course, but none the less, there all the same. They would have been there sooner, but seeing as how my pants didn't fit me for some odd reason, and neither did my normal shirts, only meant the baby was growing larger. I had to borrow a pair of Craig's pants because his were surprisingly bigger than my own. I was wearing a pair of Craig's old jeans, and a Bob Marley shirt that fit me a little snug, but looser none-the-less than my own. I quickly embraced Craig, and a slight kiss on his lips, and hurried to Mrs. Kwan's class. See, I was a grade 10, and Craig a grade 11. I didn't have any classes with Craig at all, at least, for the most part, luckily there was Lunch. I walked into my normal class, and noticed Emma immediately, I went in to sit next to her.

"Hey there momma! My! Our baby there is getting bigger isn't it?" Emma said with a gleaming look on her face

As soon as I found out I was pregnant, I immediately told Emma, she was my only friend at Degrassi, other than Marco and Ellie (only when Ashley didn't steal her due to her jealousy). The first thing that came to Emma's mind was that I was going to abort the baby. I strictly told her, that it's against my own morals, and religion, besides, the fact that I'm catholic means that I wasn't really supposed to use birth control in the first place, and it seemed a little better on that part. She was afraid I'd abort it, because her friend Manny had recently done it, with yes, Craig's baby. I was ecstatic that Emma approved, and Marco, Ellie was semi-forced to "hate" me because Ashley was Craig's ex. Anyways, out of my own daydream, and back to reality!

"Yeah, it'll no longer be an "it"." I said pointing down at my enlarging belly. "We have an appointment tomorrow, and we'll see if it's a boy or a girl. Hopefully I can go shopping too, I need some chic maternity clothes, because as you can tell, these aren't mine…" blushing as I mumbled that last part.

"Awe…how cute! Oh my goodness! You need to call me as soon as you and Craig get back, I really want to know!" She said beaming with utter delight.

"Of course…you're my best—" I said as Mrs. Kwan cut our conversation off.

"Mandy, Emma, please, discuss your business on your own time! Not mine!" She said so sternly as only Mrs. Kwan would.

* * *

(Craig's P.O.V)

I tried to sit patiently through Simpson's class, but I was really looking forward to going home. After last night, and the little almost happening this morning, I was very horny and impatient. I thought back to it, it'd be back to lonely nights with my hand in a couple of months. I still can't believe she's going to get that huge! I remember whenever I told Manny that, she had the most disappointing look on her face, besides failing at being a parent to a baby that wasn't even ours (Baby Jack), he made her self-esteem go down. That was the icing on her cake. But, Manny was then; Mandy is now…funny how I just changed one letter and poof here I am. Maybe (unfortunately) it's better that Manny got that abortion, then Mandy and I would have never met, or fallen in love. Man…I want lunch to hurry up! I really want to see Mandy. I wonder…wait, why is someone saying my name? Uhh…

"Craig Manning!" Mr. Simpson exclaimed as he snapped Craig out of his daydream. "Would you like to repeat Media Immersions in summer school? Due to lack of attention span? Or would you rather just pay attention, and understand what's all going on?"

"Sorry Mr. S, I'll pay attention." Craig said in a dull mulling manner.

"As I was saying—" Mr. Simpson trailed off, and off to my daydream I went.

* * *

(Mandy's POV)

After I pulled my chubby legs out of Armstrong's class, I slowly walked to my locker. There was my prince, Craig of course, waiting for me. He noticed almost immediately that I wasn't feeling to great. My feet felt like solid rocks, my bones ached, and the baby felt heavier than usual.

"Hey sweetie, what's the matter?" Craig asked while tracing his finger down my jaw.

"I'm not feeling too well, I feel really achy, and I'm starting to feel a little nauseous. It's all too strange." I said, as I felt dead-more than usual of course.

"Have you eaten anything today?" Craig asked me, great, he's starting with this food shit again. Why is it that he's always bugging me with food! Does he not know that A) I'm a recovering anorexic, and B) I gained whatever weight I lost during my anorexia during the pregnancy.

"I'm fine, I must just feel a little worn today. I mean last night was tiresome." I said trying not to make him feel bad.

"Babe, I'm really sorry…maybe we should ask the doctor about that tomorrow ok?" Craig said with his gorgeous Craig smile.

"If you insist…" I said with a quick peck to his lips, and off we went, home until tomorrow…

**(A/N: How was it? 8 pages on word…wow, that's like THE most I've ever written, I've changed the rating on the story, due to the fact there will be sex, but not graphic sex (need experience to write stories like that eh?). I'm hoping more people will read my story now that it's no longer R. Review please! Maybe I'll update.)**


	3. Chapter 3: Shadow

**A/N: sorry, long time no update! I've been busy with school, and since I don't have to take my final exams Thursday and Friday, then I have more time to write! Yay! I'd like to thank everyone who reviewed ya'll are great to me! I hope you like this chapter; I hope it's as good as you expect it to be…**

Chapter 3: Shadow

(Mandy's POV)

I sat nervously in the florescent light of the doctor's office. The gynecologist's to be exact. I wasn't alone of course; Craig was with me, one of like the 2 other guys who were actually there supporting their wife in this fragile state of physical body and mind. If I didn't have a great guy like Craig, I would possibly die alone with this baby. I tapped my foot my anticipation to hear my name…Gosh, they take forever to call someone up. I was hoping that whenever they told us what we were having we'd have a boy. It's weird, I just want a boy. They're harder to handle, but a joy to raise. Craig had signed me in, so who knows what he signed me in as, with my last name Rodriguez or Manning. It sounds nice, Amanda Manning. It's cute…I don't know, maybe we'll just stay together as friends for our baby, it'd be great if we'd stay together for each other, and get married, have more kids…

"Amanda Rodriguez? Dr. Welling will see you now." The nurse said politely pulling me out of my thoughts.

I tugged on Craig's arm, as I pulled him up, he followed behind me like he was my dog or something, and except he was only my boyfriend or whatever we are I don't even know anymore. We went into the examining room. There was a table sort of like at a regular doctor's office, only in the sitting position, with two stirrups. I was scared, and Craig could tell.

"Don't worry, I'm here for you." Craig said reassuring me, with a kiss on the forehead, and a squeeze of my hand.

"Thanks, I know that it's hard for some guys to come in with a girl here, but you're more admirable than I thought." I said as I gave Craig a peck on the lips.

"I'm glad that people think that, I thought no one cared I existed." Craig said in a fake dramatic tone.

"Yeah, I'm sure our baby cares that you exist" I started to feel a little woozy. I whispered to Craig to help me up, and he pulled out the small step on the side of the table, I stepped up, and laid down.

I laid back and closed my eyes. Craig still held my hand it was comforting. I hated coming to the doctor's, I always was scared of this place, especially a woman's doctor. I knew from experience of other doctor appointments, that the doctor takes forever. I soon fell into a slumber, not being awoken only 15 minutes later by Craig, telling me the doctor was here.

"Hello Amanda! How are we doing today?" Dr. Welling said. (A/N: It's a female doctor, not a male!)

"Oh…you know, just a little bit pregnant." I said jokingly.

"I can see that, so how far along are we?" The doctor asked.

"About 3 months or so." I replied.

"Well, go behind the changing curtain, and put on this gown." The doctor said as she handed me one of those paper gowns to put on.

-5 minutes later-

"Ok Amanda please put your legs up on the stirrups, and if daddy wants, he can hold your hand during this." Dr. Welling said as Craig immediately grabbed my hand.

"Now, let's just put this jelly on your belly and do an ultrasound on your baby, just to let you know, it'll be a little cold." Dr. Welling said, as I got goose bumps as soon as she put it on me.

"Wow, that is cold, I have chills now!" I said as I shivered, feeling a bit more comforted as Craig tried to make my arm warmer.

"Alright, let's start" She said as she put the remote on my belly. "There's your baby." She said as she pointed to the screen. "That's odd" She said, I immediately became worried.

"What's odd?" I said in a panic.

"I hear 2 heart beats. Amanda, Craig, congratulations, you are going to be the proud parents of twins!" Dr. Welling exclaimed.

Everything rushed in my head, I turned to see Craig beaming at the fact of our twins, then his face suddenly changed, as all I heard was a thud, and he was on the ground. I giggled at the fact of how stereotypical Craig was being right now. Dr. Welling reached into a drawer to get something.

"Don't worry, this happens a lot, he just needs some smelling salt, and he'll be back to normal," She said as she wafted the salt beneath Craig's nose. He suddenly woke up, and then stood up.

"Am I hearing things? Did she just say we're having twins?" Craig asked confused while rubbing his head.

"Yeah, she did, it would explain why I've felt so horribly lately!" I said still beaming from the news.

"Alright Amanda, everything seems fine here, would you like to know the sexes before I clean you up?" she asked. I turned to Craig who had a smile of delight as in to tell her yes, I immediately nodded. "Let's see, I see a little girl, and a big boy." Dr. Welling said with an encouraging smile.

"Wow, two children…that'll be…interesting." Craig said mouth a gaping.

Soon there after, Dr. Welling cleaned me up, and scheduled me for a follow up in a month. Craig opened the door for me whenever we got to his car, and made sure every inch of my body was in before he shut the door. I can tell that he'll be acting differently from now on. We drove off, in excitement, talking about baby names, baby clothes, all that fun stuff. It finally hit me, we'd be parents in 6 months, and still in high school, this is going to look so bad on my part. As long as mother forgives me in the long run, it'll be fine. I arrived at Craig's, I really don't spend much time at my house, just grab clothes to stay over Craig's, daddy doesn't notice much as long as someone is watching me. We walked in to see Joey, Caitlin, and Angie watching TV on the couch.

"We have some news, Mandy, would you like to do the honors?" Craig said.

"The babies are fine…" I trailed off, only seeing Joey's face. "In August, we will be the proud parents of twins, a boy and a girl!"

"I'm going to be an aunt! Yay!" Angie exclaimed, as she nearly pummeled Craig.

"Congrats you two!" Joey said as he patted Craig on the back, and hugged me.

"It's so amazing you two will bring in two children together." Caitlin said as she hugged us both.

"May I use the phone? I need to call Emma." I said as I walked away.

I waited as the phone rang after two rings, she finally picked up

**"Hey Emma, it's me Mandy."**

_"Hey, what's up? How was the appointment?"_

**"A little scary, but all good."**

_"So! What's the news?"_

**"It's a girl, and a boy."**

**_"WHAT!"_**

**"Yep, I'm going to have twins!"**

_"Congrats! I'm so excited!"_

**"So are we…so are we…"** I finished as we engaged in another conversation, and then soon after finished talking.

-Later that night-

Later that night, Craig and I excused ourselves early from the table to go to bed. Seriously go to bed. We didn't go to bed right away of course. We got ready for bed, and laid there for a while, just holding each other. We thought about how great it'd be to have a real family.

"This is so great, this time last year, I was merely an orphan, now I'm starting my own family." Craig said in astonishment.

"I know what you mean, this time last year I was just a druggie in a rehab center…" I said as I looked down.

"It's all behind us now babe. Our babies are our futures." Craig smiled as he said "our babies"

"Yeah, you're right, we have better things to look forward to…what should we name them?" I asked.

"Could we name our daughter after my mother?" Craig innocently.

"Julia Manning, it has a nice ring to it, only if she gets my mother's first name as her middle name." I said back to him.

"Julia Rose Manning, it's beautiful, like her mother." Craig said as he kissed my cheek.

"Now, the son's name, we'll need time to think…I guess tomorrow's another day huh?" I said to Craig.

"Yeah sweetie, tomorrow's another day…" Craig said as we drifted off to sleep.

(A/N: I hope ya'll liked it! I need help on boy's names, first and middle! I'm counting on ya'll to help me! Review with your ideas, maybe one of your ideas will be in the next chapter…)


	4. Chapter 4: Lala

**A/N: Hey guys! Sorry I haven't updated in like…forever! But, I've been super-busy, during the summer I worked at Macy's, and School started August 15th…so I didn't have time…so here we go!**

**Chapter 4: Lala**

**((Craig's POV))**

It had been 3 months since we found out we were having twins; a boy and a girl. Mandy had gotten huge, like that picture on that book I was reading with Manny before…it all. Our daughter's name is going to be Julia Rose Manning, and finally we chose a name for our son, Jersey Roosevelt Manning. Yeah, I know, Jersey? What were we thinking, but who knows, it could be cool. Today is the last day of school, and lucky for Mandy, and me we can hopefully have the babies in the summer, and be able to start school in September without any worries. I hope my kids love me, like I loved my parents. I did love my dad, before he became a monster. I loved my mom, she was my best friend, and the only one I could trust. I only have Joey, who I rarely see after he and Caitlyn split, he's been going on dates, and Angie has been staying at her grandma's house. It's mostly been Mandy and I. Tonight, I planned a romantic dinner for the two of us, because ever since she's felt fatter, she's been depressed and…a bitch. It's horrible to say that…but oh so true! Right now, I'm making her favorite dish, hopefully she won't get sick. I made fettuccine alfredo, with shrimp on top.

"Dinner is served my princess." I said as I put the plate of food in front Mandy. She smiled with delight, and gave me a kiss on the cheek.

"Thanks baby, maybe it'll make me feel better knowing you care so much." She said as she picked at her food.

"Something the matter?" I said worried.

"No, it's nothing…it's just—" She didn't get a chance to finish, and she started to cry.

"What's the matter? Is everything ok sweetie?" I said as I got up from my seat to try to comfort her.

"I'm fine, it's just that, you've been great to me these past few months, and you made me forget about all my troubles, I just feel so lucky you know, no one else is lucky enough to have such a great guy in their life." She said as she embraced me.

We pulled apart and looked into each other's eyes. Her eyes were so beautiful; they sparkled with emotion and glimmered with sentiment. We leaned in, and kissed each other softly. She began to moan slightly, one of the many things I enjoyed about the pregnancy, her hormones making her want sex. She pulled at my shirt, and led me up the stairs. She pushed me on my bed and began to kiss again. She started to undo my shirt when I stopped her.

"Is it still alright to do this?" I said in between kisses.

"What is that supposed to mean? Do you not WANT me anymore?" She said beginning to cry.

"No sweetie, it's just you're so far into your pregnancy I don't want to hurt the babies." I said as I kissed her on the cheek where a teardrop fell.

"You're so sweet to me Craggy." Mandy said, as she motioned for me to lie next to her. "Let's talk about our days."

"Ok…How was your last day of school?" I asked cautiously.

"Well, it was really good, because I'm tired of having to walk around the halls with our little bundles of joys in my belly. I'm tired of people whispering behind my back, so summer vacation should be excellent to me. I say, when these babies are out, we have a real romantic date. You know, a fancy dinner, a hotel room…me…you…alone." Mandy said as she winked seductively to me.

Now, in Mandy's case, this is her way of reversing the no sex thing. She acts sexily just to get herself off, but it never works, but she is so damn cute when she does it.

"Yeah, that'd be nice." I said with the horny smile that she expects to SEE on my face.

"So, how was your day?" Mandy asked as she caressed my cheek.

"Well, same as any other day, exams, friends, you know signing yearbooks saying goodbye, same old junk." I said trying to be as coy as possible. "What about you?"

"Well, I took my final exams, hung out with Emma, signed yearbooks, and carried around my 50 pounds of water and beautiful babies all day." Mandy said cheerfully.

"Are you alright?" I asked as I looked at her

"Yes, I'm fine, I'm just happy that we are having these wonderful babies. You're perfect you know that? You're too perfect for words. I'm so glad that I have a guy in my life like you…" Mandy said as she trailed off in a yawn. "I'm so tired, lets go to bed…"

"Whatever you say sweetie." I said as I kissed her forehead, and she fell asleep

I laid there in bed, holding my girlfriend, the mother of my children. I thought about how much I've changed within the last 6 months. I just thought about how great it would have been if I had done this with Manny. No…wait, why am I thinking about Manny? I love Mandy…with…all my heart. I mean, if I would have had the baby with Manny, I wouldn't be here with Mandy. Maybe I should purpose to Mandy soon. I'm not too sure if I want to marry her yet. I mean, it's logical, seeing as how she_ is_ carrying **my** children. I think I want to marry Mandy.I mean, children like this shouldn't be born into a family like this. Wow, a real family. I can't believe it. It's been so long since I've said family, since I've felt this kind of thing. I love Mandy, and I can't wait until we're married with our children, maybe even with more.

Soon Craig fell asleep with all the thoughts in his head, with the day ahead of them, the first day of freedom, the last summer he'll ever fully enjoy…

A/N: I know, It's so short, but review please! I'll try to update sooner, I might even start the next chapter RIGHT now!

Love ya peeps!


	5. Chapter 5: Love makes the world go round

**Chapter 5: Love makes the world go round**

**((Mandy's POV))**

_Here, here I am again  
And I'm staring at these same four walls  
Alone again  
And now, all the colors blend  
And im growing numb and I've become  
This empty page_

I think it's the hormones or the pregnancy, but I've felt totally depressed lately. I mean, look at me, I'm 6 months pregnant, and I'm barely 15, I'm not even 16 yet! What am I thinking? I'm not fit to be a mother. Why oh why did I go through with this shit. Oh yeah…Craig, he convinced me, he wanted a family, he thought it'd be perfect. Does he know the nights I don't stay with him I cry myself to sleep? Does he know how much I hate being like this that I just want to be normal again? He doesn't know how it feels to be in high school and pregnant. He gets a pat on the back from his buddies for "scoring" with a chick. While I walk around, everyone's favorite rumor. Sadly, Manny warned me, Emma warned me, I couldn't resist, the hot older guy wanting to be my boyfriend…everyone's dream right? Not until the night you have sex with him, and he doesn't protect himself properly. Besides the depression, he doesn't understand the nicotine fits I have because he made me quit cold turkey. It's not too easy to quit something you've been doing for 3 years. I'm just going to keep this bottled up inside me, and cry myself to sleep every night. I mean, seriously, that's the same thing I'll be doing once these children are here, cry with them. What else can a motherless child do to raise her children out of wedlock? I mean, what's the worst that could happen? He claims he loves me, but sometimes I'm not so sure he does.

_Hold on, its tragic  
Stumbling through all this static_

_I just want to talk to you  
And my broken heart just has no use  
And I, I guess promises are better  
left unsaid, yeah  
Every time you try to tell me  
You say the words that I'm the only  
But I'm the one who's crawling on the ground  
When you say love makes the world go 'round_

It kept me thinking the whole night as I was asleep in my own bed for once. I had hardly slept, and the babies started kicking a lot lately. 'maybe they're crammed, maybe I sleep weird, and they can't move' I thought as I laid on a position on my back. Soon, I felt a small lightening sensation, sort of weird down my stomach 'oh god, what's this?' I thought as I opened my eyes wide in fear. Soon, I dug through me nightstand, and found my cell phone. Going through the directory I found what I was looking for "Craig Manning".

Ring…

"Come on Craig answer."

Ring…

"Please come on…"

Ring…

"Hello"a groggy Craig said at 3 in the morning

"Craig, it's Mandy."

"What…are you having cravings again?" he said nonchalantly

"No, I think it's the babies, I think something's wrong…we need to go to the hospital!" I said as I sat in bed in pain and fear.

"Ok, don't worry, I'll be there in 5 minutes" he said and hung up quickly.

And again, a minute before Craig arrived, I felt it again, I had another pain in my stomach. Not soon after, Craig was there, at my door, in pajama pants. My dad and his wife weren't home, they were at some party, so they didn't want me to stay at Craig's again, and said to stay home, and rest peacefully. As soon as Craig got there, he helped me walk down the stairs to Joey's car (which he had borrowed). He tried to go as fast as he could without getting into an accident, and we then arrived at the ER.

As soon as Craig and I walked in, we came up to a window, with a chubby little nurse guarding the office.

"What's ya problem?" She said while smacking on her gum, and thumbing through a magazine.

"Uh…it's…it's…uh…--" Craig tried to explain but couldn't

"Son, if you can't explain, let the young lady." She said as she looked down her glasses at him.

"Hi…My name is Mandy and I'm having shocking pains in my stomach, and oh yeah I'm 6 months pregnant…and we're worried." I said as carefully as I could to the idiotic nurse.

"Alright…Orderly! Bring out a wheelchair please and take her up to the maternity ward!" The nurse exclaimed.

_My love, look at what you've done to me  
For someone who has felt so strong  
It's amazing I'm completely gone_

After 3 hours of uncomfortable probes, and pricks…the doctor finally figures out what my problem is. I hate what I have to hear what he says. I mean, one thing the doctor can say, can completely change everything. What if my babies died. What if I have to have them now. I'm not ready at all, oh my goodness…too much stress in my life right now! Here it comes…

"Mr. And Mrs. Manning…everything seems fine with the babies. Luckily we don't have to induce labor or anything of the sort today. But I do have some unwanted news. Amanda, it seems you have severe high blood pressure. Unfortuantly, it's bad due to the fact that you are pregnant, with twins I might add, and you need all the strength you can get. My diognostic is that you will be on bed rest for the remaining months or until your water breaks. I will make weekly house calls, and check up on you, but for the mean time, take your vitamins, and I'll have a nurse explain all you can and can't do in this time." The doctor said as Craig and I stared in utter shock, oh yeah, we didn't use my real last name because we didn't want people to think horribly of us.

After the nurse explained everything to us, we found out bed rest meant, I could only get up to go to the bathroom, and nothing else…oh god, these next three months will be hell.

_Hold on, its tragic  
Stumbling through all this static_

_I just want to talk to you  
And my broken heart just has no use  
And I, I guess promises are better  
left unsaid, yeah  
Every time you try to tell me  
You say the words that I'm the only  
But I'm the one who's crawling on the ground,  
When you say love makes the world go 'round_

So after all this mess, Craig insists that I stay at his house from now on. In case of any possible emergencies. So yes, we stay together like husband and wife, sleep in the same bed, and argue every so often like them, how awesome! Sometimes it's over the stupidest things, like most recently, yesterday…

"Craig, why were you gone for so long?" I said as I was angry because I've been in bed for the past 2 days.

"I was at band practice…we need it, and me and Marco were writing another song." Craig said as he chuckled walking in.

"Are you really sure Craig? Were you Really with Marco at band practice? Were you with Ellie or Manny Craig? I can't stand that you're with those sluts a lot too" I said in disgust as I talked to him.

"What sluts? You mean your friend Manny and my friend Ellie? Yes, I hang out with them because they're my friends, and Manny and Ellie are in the band, you know that."

"I hate that you undermine me Craig." I said as I started crying. "Do you know how hard it is for me? I can barely walk on my own to the bathroom without help, I just, I need someone here for me a lot of the time, and I get lonely."

"It's ok, I don't fully understand, but I want to, I wish I could stay with you at all times, but you know that during the day I work with Joey at the car dealership, and nights are all yours. Emma's always here for you too." Craig said as he tried to hold me in our bed.

"Just stay with me now." I said as I fell asleep, the frustration made me too tired to fight anymore…god I hate being on bed rest, I feel more sluggish and useless than usual.

_If that's the kind of love you give me  
I'd rather be alone, believe me  
it's not the way you're supposed to treat me  
I'd rather walk away_

So, that's how it's been these past few days. I've been a total bitch, and he's been nothing but perfect, as always. I'm always the screw up; it's my fault if he ever leaves me. If he ever cheats on me. God, what am I going to do if I screw all this up. Oh yeah, I'll be a 16 year old mother with 2 children, no husband or boyfriend, and no mother to help me out…just an almost homeless mother, how great. I'm thinking way to into this. How about I enjoy it every night, sleep cuddled up to Craig, and sleep fine…or not…?

_I just want to talk to you  
And my broken heart just has no use  
And I, I guess promises are better  
left unsaid, yeah  
Every time you try to tell me  
You say the words that im the only  
But I'm the one who's crawling on the ground,  
When you say love makes the world go 'round, yeah  
You say love makes the world go 'round  
Every time you try to tell me  
I don't care you're not the only  
Don't you know I'm coming back around  
Cause I say love makes the world go 'round, yeah  
Cause I say love makes the world go 'round…_

A/N: How was it? Good? Bad? So horrible I should die? Well, only way I'll know is if you Review my story! And encourage me to update more! yay! oh and that's Love makes the world go 'Round by Ashlee Simpson!


	6. Chapter 6: Better Off

Chapter 6: Better Off

A/N: yeah I don't own anything but Amanda, I wish I owned Craig/Jake Epstein, but yeah, and this is a whole Ashlee Simpson theme if you haven't noticed…so here you go! I would appreciate some review please…

_The sky is falling  
and it's early in the morning  
But it's ok somehow  
I spilt my coffee, it went  
All over your clothes  
I gotta wear mine now_

So I've lived here with Craig for two weeks. I guess I enjoy it; at least I'm not totally alone. Emma visits me every so often, fills me on a gossip around town. Marco comes around too, because he is my best guy friend. I've been wearing Craig's shirts to sleep so that way I can feel closer to him whenever he's at work, or with the band or out with the guys. It's upsetting that he never really wants to spend time with me, I hate it, and I wish he would spend some more quality time with me. I know, I'm selfish right?

HELLO!

I'm 6 months pregnant, on bed rest, and lonely, if you were in my fat shoes you would be selfish too! I can't take this pain anymore; I have such a pain my heart. I just want to die.

_And I'm always, always, always late  
and my hair's a mess,  
even when it's straight_

"Good morning sweetness" Craig said as he leaned down and kissed me on the mouth hard.

"Hmm…good…morning" I said as I stretched, and motioned for him to help me up.

This was now our normal morning routine. He would feel he had to say something sweet to me, and tell me good morning, and he felt he had to kiss me. Then I would stagger walk w/ him to the bathroom, he'd watch me pee, then some mornings (well once a week) he'd take me a bath (which was my favorite part winkwink. He'd stand behind me as a brushed my teeth, and he'd just help me around. After that, he was non-existent to me. I saw him at least 1 or 2 more times before he came home at 2 in the morning to go to sleep. I wish I were a teenager in the summer. Oh yes, I am, but I'm just pregnant.

"Craig, stay here with me today please?" I begged as he bathed me.

"You know I can't, I'm making money for our children." He said in a sincere voice as he caressed my leg as he lathered it up.

"Well, I talked to Joey, and he told me you could have the day off." I said as I winced, scared of his reaction.

"What the hell do you mean? You talked to Joey?" Craig said angrily.

"I just want to be closer to you, I want some time with you before we don't have any time together for the next 18 years." I said as tears streamed down my face.

_But so what,  
I'm better off everyday  
When I'm standing in the pouring rain, I don't mind  
I think of you and everything's alright  
I used to think I had it good  
But now I know that I misunderstood  
With you I'd say, I'm better off in every way_

"Why is it that every time we argue, you start crying?" Craig said as he yelled at me more.

"Because, every time I get yelled at I cry, and I just want you to be here for me. If I could I'd be there for you, and you know that. You treat me like shit, and we're not even married yet!" I yelled in anger as accidentally splashed water on Craig.

"Yeah, well, sometimes I'm not so sure if we should get married." He said in anger as he threw the washcloth in the tub and walked out.

"I'm not the only one at fault here, you're the one who didn't think about having a…what are they called…oh yeah CONDOMS!" I yelled as he took one last look at me, and slammed the door.

"ARGH I WISH I WERE DEAD!" I yelled as I laid my head under water.

_My friends keep callin'  
They say, they say im stallin'  
and they wanna meet you now  
I tell them hell no, I say  
We're tryin' to lay low  
Don't wanna lose what I've found_

I felt the water suffocate me. I felt at one with myself. I felt so alive, when I could possibly die. Maybe Craig heard me. Maybe Angie heard me, maybe someone who actually cares heard me. In my head I screamed 'SOMEONE SAVE ME!' but in my heart, I wanted it to happen.

"Babe, I'm sorry---WHAT THE HELL!" Craig said as he rushed to my side. "Come on, wake up!" as he pulled me out of the water.

Not knowing what to do, Craig felt immediately guilty, he had to save his girlfriend, and his 2 children. He checked her breathing, and felt it shallow, he felt a slower heartbeat, and needed to do something. He remembered he needed to do CPR! I lifted her chin, pinched her nose, and breathed the life of him into her. He then did compressions, and after 2-3 more tries, she started spitting up all the water, and woke up.

"Oh my god, you're alive, I thought you were dead. I'm so sorry baby, I'm so sorry" Craig cried as he cradled my head in his chest.

_Things are finally, finally lookin' up  
Oh my feet are on the ground  
Even though im stuck_

All I could do, was squint up, and stare into his eyes. I couldn't say a word, I was in complete shock. The next thing I know, was Craig wrapping me in my robe, and carrying me to the bed, and putting a blanket on top of me.

"I'm sorry." Was all I was able to blurt out.

"You're sorry? You have no other explanation for attempting suicide?" Craig said rationally as he held my hands.

"I couldn't take it anymore, you don't understand how I feel" I said as I cried on his shoulder.

"Try to get me to understand! Please I need some help to be able to understand what the hell is going on with you." Craig said as he threw his hands up in the air.

_But so what,  
I'm better off everyday  
When I'm standing in the pouring rain, I don't mind  
I think of you and everything's alright  
I used to think I had it good  
But now i know that I misunderstood  
With you I'd say, I'm better off in every way_

"What's going on? Stay with me for one day, stay in bed with me all fucking day, and understand, ok. I wish I could go out and work, I wish I could hang out with my friends until 2 in the morning. I fucking have to stay here and try to stay alive while I mother your children in my womb. Try to understand, the thing in your pants is what got us in this situation. So why the hell do I always have to fucking suffer?" I said as tears were streaming down my cheeks.

_Things are finally, finally lookin' up  
Oh my feet are on the ground  
Even though im stuck  
Even though im stuck_

"What do you mean, suffer? You should be happy to have children, you should enjoy being pregnant, most mothers are." Craig said dumbfoundedly

"HELLO! Most mothers are in their late twenties, have jobs, and have faithful husbands. I'm stuck with being 15 years old, pregnant with TWINS might I add, mooching off my boyfriend, and boyfriend's step-father, and not to mention, I have you, who I see a total of 3 hours a day. So what Craig, what don't you understand, that I'm unhappy, or that you're not helping me out here?" I said as I just lay back in the bed and closed my eyes.

"Maybe there's more to this whole thing you know. Maybe I want to be here, but I can't." Craig said outloud

"What's keeping you busy besides work, the band, and your friends?" I said as I was hysterically crying.

"I'm scared, I'm not sure if I can be a good father. I just want to slack off a little more before we both get tied down." Craig said with his head in his hands.

_But so what,  
I'm better off everyday  
When I'm standing in the pouring rain, I don't mind  
I think of you and everything's alright  
I used to think I had it good  
But now I know that I misunderstood  
With you I'd say, I'm better off in every way_

_Yeah, yeah_

"Well, Manny came over the other day, and tried to console me. She told me how when she was pregnant with yours and her child, you were all for the idea, and excited. She told me you wanted to pick out names, and be there for the baby. I asked her why weren't you like that with me? She said because you were probably scared of the whole thing, because before it didn't happen, so the concept was a lot easier than reality. I don't want to be pregnant Craig; I didn't choose this for me. So don't blame your shortened young life on me. I can easily go home, and be alone, at least there I know I'm alone, at least there I know that being alone doesn't mean depression, I'm used to it. If I were there alone, you wouldn't be my worry anymore, just these babies. Or better yet, I'll get daddy to put me in a catholic hospital, where they'll take my babies away because I'm a bad catholic school girl who fucking got knocked up by a little rock boy. So go ahead Craig, make your move, you're here for me, or you let me call my father to pick me up so I can walk out of your life and leave these babies with someone who cares for them." I said as I attempted to stand.

"Since when have you been unhappy Mandi?" Craig asked

"Well, I was unhappy when I first found out we were pregnant. I got more upset when I gave up my cigarettes. I got even more upset whenever I was put on bedrest and saw you a part of the day. So there, you happy I'm not happy. Is that what you want?" I said

"Yes, that's my goal to make you unhappy." Craig said sarcastically

"Not time for jokes Craig. I need you to understand, you need to be here please." I said as I cried even more. What was worse was my children were having a say in this fight, the entire time they were kicking me. "I think these kids hate us fighting already." I said with a small laugh

_Better off in every way  
I'm better off in every way  
I'm better off today_

"I am going to try to be here for you, for them, for both of us. I want to understand. Ok? I've worked at the dealership for over a year, I can get a week's paid vacation. How about I do that? We can have one of our last, quiet, romantic dates during the week. I'll lay in bed with you all day, and kiss you. I just want to make you happy. I was born to make someone happy, I just never thought It'd be someone I cared so much about. I love you, and I'm glad you're sticking with me." Craig said

With trembling lips, I sobbed, and said "I love you too Craig, always have, and I'm so sorry." We shared a kiss, that made my world, eventually, we fell asleep the way we were. I was laying on Craig's chest, and he had his arms wrapped around me.

_The sky is falling  
And it's early in the morning  
But it's ok_

A/N: Yeah, that was defiantly 8 full pages on MS word

SO F'IN REVIEW PEOPLE! Please, I know people read it! Please read and review.

I'll love you more than yesterday!


End file.
